Pondering...

While my dear husband watches a movie I don't really care for I will take this opportunity to vent my ponderings. And I am truly using those two words intentionally! I think my ponderings have become too volumous for my brain to contain and I need to let them "air out."

Pondering Christmas... I read of a family that doesn't exchange presents. They enjoy the holiday(s) by spending time with those they love and baking or creating things for family & friends. After trying to squeeze in a trip to the mall today and walk out with only 1 item, this thought continues to gain popularity with me. Maybe it's because I'm frustrated with my kids' nap schedules. Maybe it's the distance to the mall. Maybe it's something else entirely. Hmmmm. I love to bake. And at my house I eat most of what I bake - amazing that I don't weigh 300 pounds by now. :) I have a friend that adores my banana bread. I don't know what's different about it, it's just the Betty Crocker recipe in the book. But because I know she loves it, I always make a 2nd loaf for her. In fact, I sometimes make it just because of her. Isn't that a pretty good gift? Warm banana bread and the warm feeling that someone was thinking about you & did something special just for you? Isn't that the same thing that we are doing with other gifts? On another side, I do love receiving gifts. My husband is a wonderful giver. He brought home a jazzy Christmas CD from Starbucks. I love it. He knows and remembers the little things and gives wonderful gifts because of that. I'm not naturally a "giver" most of the time. He has really brought it out the last few years. I know if we were to decide change the way we give gifts it would be a difficult decision for him.

On a lighter note... We were joking around in the kitchen and asking each other to choose between a food item and our spouse. Hmmmm! I asked if he would pick me over Taco Bell. I win! He said, "there's still Taco Time!" He asked if I would pick him over cookies. Oooooohhhh, no you didn't just go there! Ack! I know he makes me happy in ways cookies cannot. But if I were to choose cookies I would eternally regret it and also get really fat because I would try to replace him and the joy he brings me. Would he choose me over bean burritos? Yea, I win again! Would I choose him over peppermint mochas?? Yeah, he's worth it!

Back to Pondering - Cooking.... How is it possible that I can cook all the foods that go into a Thanksgiving dinner but mess up so many other dinners? I make great mashed potatoes. I can make "fresh" cranberry sauce. I have done a turkey (just not this year) and it turned out pretty good. My pies turned out PERFECT. And I'm not even bragging - I'm just as surprised as everyone else! Even after my bread disaster (was in the oven - still in the plastic - when I preheated the oven for pies), I felt so confident with all the things I made. But tonight I made spaghetti. Spaghetti is my back up dinner, I can make it from scratch without looking at a recipe. It's not perfected yet but it's pretty darn good. I thought I would try to thicken up the sauce by adding flour to the cooked ground beef & onions. But then I opened the wrong can - diced tomatoes instead of tomato sauce. That kind of messed it up. I added tomato sauce also and the big tomatoes tasted good. I was out of oregano. Hmmm, will extra basil make up for that? Probably not, so I tossed in "Italian Seasoning." Yes, I know that bottle has both basil & oregano in it. It turned out okay but all the ground beef seemed to be "gravy-ish." Whoops, probably not a good idea to add flour at that point. Probably should have tried to thicken with bread crumbs instead. Here's the pondering part: is this God's way to keeping me humble? Or should I stick to recipes? And read the recipe? And follow the recipe and not use it as a guideline? I don't know. I like recipes as guidelines - that's how my mom and grandma cook. Never ask my mom what a dish is called! It is always called what it is - chicken on rice with veggies, beef on pasta, chicken on pasta, beef on rice, pork on rice. Nevermind that the sauce could be literally anything: sweet & sour, teriyaki, marinara, alfredo, stroganoff, or a brand new one Mom made up!

Well, I have lost the rest of my ponderings so I will have to stop now. Perhaps I will sleep better tonight now that I have more room in my brain. :) Good night all...

Sleep, Glorious Sleep

I know that this is pretty much the only topic I write about, but it's huge! Last time I posted, we were on a schedule that allowed me to get more than 3 consecutive hours of sleep. Wonderful. However, almost right after I said that, she changed again. Suddenly she was falling asleep nursing and staying asleep through the transfer to the crib and awaking every 3 hours for the rest of the night. I assumed she was hungry - and most of the time she was. But a few days ago she wasn't really hungry at 10 pm or 1 am; she only nursed for a few minutes and was quickly asleep. Hmmmmm, could she be ready to consolidate her night feedings? I hope I hope I hope I hope! So last night we let her cry at 11 pm. She cried for about half an hour before I decided to feed her. (See Nina's blog for doctor's appointment and development news.) It was late already and I'm having problems sleeping now too. :) I just can't seem to wind down. And - funny story - I took a bath well before bed, nearly fell asleep a few times in the water but once I was in bed I was awake! Well, she's finally asleep again (cried for 45 minutes tonight). Maybe she will sleep a little harder this stretch. Here's hoping!

More Sleep!

It's been a while since I've posted anything here. For good reason! We honestly tried NCSS for a good long time. While naps steadily improved, the nights never really changed and then one day the grace and patience was gone. David has been a huge help lately, taking over the "listening" times so I could catch just a few more winks. My mom & sister came over for a few days and I really got caught up by the end of their visit. I don't feel rested when I get up, but I'm so much more normal now! Here's what several nights looked like while they were here:
7:00 begin bedtime routine (bath, massage, jammies, nurse)
8:00 fell asleep nursing, placed in crib
9:00 woke up crying, was comforted then cried for an hour (don't worry, she was checked on often!)
10:00 fell asleep without nursing, without pacifier!
4:00 am woke up to nurse & fall asleep immediately
8:00 woke up for the day, happy & content!

Something changed when my mom left and the last few nights have been a little more interesting:
7:00 begin bedtime routine
8:00 placed in crib awake (she just stopped falling asleep while nursing)
9:00 fell asleep without pacifier or nursing
3:00 am woke up to nurse
6:00 woke up to nurse
8:00 woke up for the day (happy, content, quiet!)

I have to say that although the crying is difficult, it has been worth it. Her attitude in general is improving. My mom encouraged me to leave the kids with her several times (I nearly went into shock without them) and Nina tolerated her just fine.
To Do: get Nina used to other caregivers (especially relatives & favorite babysitters), wean Nina from Mama's hip, help Nina find things to soothe herself (pacifiers, lovies, thumb or fingers).

Day 8 Evaluation

Here is the log I kept from Nina's first night on NCSS:

Bedtime: 8:30 (had been 10pm)
Wakings: 8:40-9:00, 9:55-10:05, 1:35-1:50am, 5:05-5:25, 7:30 up for the day. Each waking (except 9:55) she nursed back to sleep.
Night Wakings: 4 Longest sleep span: 3.5 hrs Total sleep: 9 hours, 50 min.
*Comments: This was actually a very good night. Often she would also wake frequently (every few minutes) between 10 & 1:30.
**Problems addressed: 1) nursing to sleep, 2) frequent & short day naps, 3) late bedtime. Methods: 1) Changed day sleep cues - car, stroller, dancing; 2) began using Gentle Removal Plan for nursing to sleep, introduced lovie & binky at night; 3) tried bedtime as early as 6 pm rather than 3rd nap.

Log from 10/16 (Day 7)

Bedtime: 6:45
Wakings: 7:30-7:45, 8-8:10, 8:13-8:35, 8:45-9:15, 9:25-9:40, 1:15-1:30 am, 4:54-5:19, 5:22-5:28, 5:30-5:35, 7:45 up for the day. Most wakings she was comforted by a binky & rocking. Four times she nursed back to sleep (including 1 & 5 am which would be normal feedings anyway).
Night Wakings: 9 Longest sleep span: 3 hours, 35 min. Total hours of sleep: 10 hours, 37 min.
*Comments: This was one of the worse nights in the week. I had kept her up late on 10/15 so the 6:30 bedtime may have been quite a shock to her. Probably should have tried to ease her back into the early bedtime. Also, let her cry for about 5 minutes during the 8:45 waking. She didn't seem to be comforted by anything I did.
**Progress: She now takes 2 good naps, each usually 1 hour or more. Although Will wakes her up a lot. Removal Plan is working slowly. After 5-10 attempts to remove her, she will finally sleep but often w/ a binky.
***Problems: 1) may not be ready for such an early bedtime, 2) frequent night wakings(!), 3) day time sleep still not what she needs. Methods: 1) try for 3rd nap around 5 or 6 pm & an 8 or 9 pm bedtime, 2) introduced solids this week but she insists on blowing raspberries in it. Not much is going down.

Overall Evaluation: There seems to be an AMAZING grace on me & my patience to do this . I am definitely aware & questioning "what am I teaching her?" "What does she need to learn here?" There are a few issues that are unique to her that NCSS won't address, and so we will be modifying our approach. It's not just about her & my sleep. It's also about her attitude & patterns we are teaching her to expect. (So if anyone is reading this as results from strict adherence to NCSS, that's not quite what we're doing.) Bottom line is I am happy w/ her day times, if only her nights were so easy!

Saturday Night, Sunday Naps

Ok, I messed up her bed time because we went out w/ friends last night. I was hoping to start her bedtime routine while watching a movie w/ my friend but she would not do it. On the plus side: she fell asleep in the car on the way home from the restaurant. Asleep in the car & in the dark! Hasn't happened in months! So we got a late start on bedtime....

Night Waking Log
Fell asleep nursing at 11 pm
1:00-1:20, woke up crying, fell asleep nursing (probably would've gone back to sleep w/ a binky)
3:30-4:00, woke up crying, fell asleep nursing after attempting the binky
7:45 am, up for the day

Nap Log
11am - 12:00 pm, fell asleep on my lap w/ binky, slept in church crib (had to wake her up to nurse before leaving church)
2:30-3:40, fell asleep nursing (she didn't nurse well earlier), slept in crib

Overall, I am pleased w/ her naps. They are better in length and consistency. I'll keep my formal NCSS log tonight & tomorrow, our 7th day on this plan.