I am NOT a happy camper today.
Will is pretty anxious to start school & doesn't really know what to do with himself. This leads to way more stunts & physical acts and then he gets hurt just a little and he acts like he cut off a finger. Seriously. He is wayyy over acting.
Nina is probably nervous/excited about starting school as well. She's been extra clingy & in need of attention.
AJ is being really whiny.
So many of the actual behavior we have curbed this last month. And during and after vacation last week we've had a nice lot of family time. Mom & Dad pointed out that maybe the underlying cause is their nervousness & excitement. It could be. And that would be a very hard feeling for them to describe. So I'm trying to meet Will's need for more attention and having a very hard time at it.
Had two episodes of heart palpitation today. I haven't had any since Disneyland (I thought I wouldn't be able to get AJ off the Dumbo ride) and haven't had any the rest of August. This morning I was irritated with Nina and vrrrrooooommmm, there goes my heart like it's a freaking Formula 1 race. Then at Costco I was loading the stuff into the van and it was so heavy, the kids were hungry, AJ needed a diaper (which I had to get out of the box) and I was worn out and just wanted to go home. Out of nowhere, the pulse is racing, I can feel it in my neck, I get a little light headed & have to stop. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
The way I feel today:
restless
down
discouraged
stressed
unsure
tired
frustrated
I've yelled & threatened with the kids a little today. Even when I was clear & concise my voice was not always under control. I was angry many times already. It doesn't help that there were MANY curve balls thrown to me at Costco!! They didn't have regular Ziplock gallon size bags, only freezer style. The diapers weren't in the right place. I couldn't decide string cheese or American, even though I know we need American. Then at the deli I didn't have enough cash to buy myself what I wanted and I needed to have a hot dog to make it all work. They didn't have Sprite in the fountain, only lemonade or Mountain Dew - so the kids were disappointed. It was so crowded. It was so very crowded. I didn't buy myself a drink at all because it was hard enough to take care of the kids' needs. I opted to have them eat in the car rather than find a place to sit. Almost forgot to get gas. Even though I missed most of Meridian traffic it was shocking how many people are driving around at 1 pm today.
Ugh... That's all. I'm tired & I want to be alone but now alone time is over!!
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