Time to Evaluate

It appears to be time for a change and that means time to reevaluate where I am and where I'm headed.

Change 1: two older kids are going to school.  N will be there in the mornings, 9-12 (I must be home at 12 every day to meet her at the bus stop).  W will be there all day, 9-3, and I am driving them both to school at 8:45 am and picking W up at 3 whatever pm.

Change 2: new schedule (see above).  No more trips during the week, no more cross state trips at all, no more mid-week trips to the Children's Museum, the Fair, IKEA or anything else.  I am now tied to the school's schedule.

Change 3: I am almost out of debt.  I will soon be able to pick my clients instead of begging them to pick me.  But because of #2, what time do I have???

What ARE my God-given dreams??  And what are my selfish goals?
How do I tell the difference?  What is next for me and my business/hobby?

I've nearly decided to take a year off.  No promoting, no free sessions, not taking ANY client unless I truly want to.  I'm going to spend the year on growth.  Personal growth and professional growth. 

To the latter, I feel inferior because I AM INFERIOR.  I cannot pull off the kind of consistency that I want.  Correct exposure, creative eye, attention to details.  I follow so many other photographers and it should not be pulling me down but pushing me forward.  I finally feel that I have reached that point.  The point of change.  We've all heard it, "you will only change when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing." *author unknown  I am determined to grow more proficient at several things: consistent exposure, seeing the unexpected, sunflares, creative locations, taking only projects that mean something to me.

To the former, for some reason this last year has been frought with emotional upheaval & frustration.  The road I thought I was on has changed, which frustrates me, and the new road is full of unknowns.  Even turning 33 this year has brought on some physical and emotional changes.   Seven years of marriage.  Three kids.  Not breastfeeding or pregnant.  What does "non-hormonally surged" Nickie look like??  It's been rough.

I'm sure I will be returning to this page frequently.  It helped so much to re-read past trials and frustrations and how God worked through all those times.  Since I stopped blogging consistently (oh goodness, maybe 3 years now?) it is hard to remember much.  I miss those triggers and the opportunity to vent in a safe place. ;)