Emotions vs. Sensations

I gotta say, being honest & trying to put words to how I feel is terribly hard sometimes.  Some things just defy adjectives!  For instance how do I feel this afternoon while sitting on the back porch watching the kids play in the pool & yard?  Heavy.  Almost in pain.  My to-do list is overwhelming and I can't work on it because I know if I leave the kids to themselves there will be yelling, crying and more stress.  I can prevent that by being physically present and intervening quickly before any yelling or crying starts. 

Then the kids are quite calm & sharing nicely so I walk inside.  What should I do first?  I can't actually pick anything.  Nothing seems doable.  Everything seems like a gigantic task that will never get done. 

So I make more lists to try and break it down. *And this is the point where the kids yelled for me and needed help.*  Packing list, To Do List, broken down packing list by event, category of items or person.  And still.....  I can't bring myself to DO it.  Any of it.

Why do I feel heavy?  Is that an emotion or a sensation of the body?  I FEEL like crying.  I want to curl up in a ball here on the couch and cry.  But again, if I start, will I be able to stop??  I AM hot.  It is a wonderfully hot day.  That is a sense not an emotion.  Other languages cover that so much better!  Je mi teplo!  Citim sa smutny!  I am warm.  I feel sad.  And it is impossible to say "I feel heavy".  Yet that is the word that comes to mind. 

And yet worship songs DO run through my head.  The words and scripture that are buried deep definitely still surface when I need them.  But the relief and hope is only temporary.  Lack of sleep or stress remove it so quickly and the heaviness returns.

How long have I been on this downward slope??  And how long have I been living at this stage, just a few feet from the bottom??