Wife Mommy What?

I feel like my life is in the middle of being redefined.  Not a pleasant feeling.  I just had this feeling last winter when it was time to adjust my thinking about homeschooling, public schools and our family.  I defined myself as a homeschooling mom.  I seemed to fit into that model fairly well: slightly overprotective, creative, flexible yet structured.  But things needed to change and I made it through that transition.  But now what?

I don't know how to be a mom of school-age kids.  It's kind of daunting.  It's part of growing up, I keep telling myself and others, but I'm reluctant to face this one.  I don't know what this stage in motherhood is supposed to look like.  I assume there are many models for this one, just as there were for being a mother of a newborn.  The Crunchy Mom, The Creamy Mom, The Live By Instincts Mom, The Informed Mom, The Lean on My Friends Mom, The Lean on My Family Mom, The Right in the Middle Mom, The Mom in Sweats, The Mom in Heels, The Mom with Dried Spit Up on Her Shoulder.

So does this next phase look like this too?

And what about my waning interest in my business and very expensive hobby?  Is it a passion or a hobby that pays bills?  If it's a passion then I should find it, nurture it, dig it up & polish it.  If it's a hobby, then why bother?  If it's a passion I should start thinking about the next Wedding Expo season.  If not...  Then what?

Ahem....  Notice how many "shoulds" were up there?  Okay, only two.  But they are very heavy "shoulds" and are probably worth 5 each!

I need to (should) find myself again.  Myself the Human BEing.  Not a Human Doing. 

I once heard someone give a lecture about the general interest question "so what do you do?"  He said he answers it with "I like to ski, travel, time with my kids" full well knowing that the question is not literally about what one DOES with one's time.  The question really means "how do you earn a living?" but it forgets that an individual is much more faceted than the way they provide for their family.  We center so much time and energy on this, but it does not need to define who we are.  WHO am I?  Wife, mother, teacher (just a natural part of being a mother), photographer (on some level anyway), friend, sister..... And yet this doesn't seem to answer my own question of who am I?