7 Secrets of Calm Moms

This article was published in Parenting, September 2004. I've kept it around as a reminder.

1. Figure out what sets you off
2. Don't take it personally
3. Ask for what you really need
4. Don't leave your home without portable entertainment
5. Count to ten... and back again
6. Gain some perspective
7. Stop beating yourself up

Here is each point explained but in my own words

1. "A mom meltdown doesn't appear out of nowhere." I am impatient when: it's raining, I'm in a hurry, have a headache, or feel helpless. What can I do to prevent or alleviate these? A) carry an umbrella in the car, B) allow more time than I think I need, C) carry Extra-Strength Tylenol in my purse, D) ask God for help!

2. When a child is crying in the store or someone needs discipline I try to remember that other kids do this too. This time it's mine, next time it might be yours. When I see other kids act up or babies crying, I USUALLY don't judge the parent. And my friends (who have normal children too) are very gracious & understanding. I try to be that for them (or strangers.)

3. What can make me happy (or calm?) I can't ask Will to be perfect or to stop what he's doing. Both of those are completely foreign concepts to him. But I can redirect his focus; help him change activities. Worst case scenario I have to be honest with David and not an impatient, emotional mess. If I need time alone to process or pray or cry I need to say so.

4. The title seemed misleading the first time but it really is practical. Will is not entertained by finger puppets but he does like books, cars and baby's rattles.

5. For me, this is knowing when to freak out and when not to, very similar to number six.

6. Two ways to see this: 1) knowing the difference between inconvenience and catastrophe, and 2) knowing that these struggles will not last forever. Sharpie on my beautiful island, lotion puddles on the carpeted stairs, water spills. The Sharpie incident required discipline (he knows he's not supposed to open that drawer) but it could've been scissors. The lotion was an accident and luckily it didn't leave a stain. Water spills are inconvenient for sure, especially when I find them with my socks. But we have been blessed and protected from so many other accidents. My mom encourages me often with "he won't go to college like this." It reminds me that we are training him for the future but also that somethings will take time. The truth is that he won't go to college with his pacifier or not knowing how to take a nap. He won't go to college still wearing a diaper.

7. "Calm moms don't keep track of mistakes." So maybe he watched too much TV the other day, or I lost it & it upset him. Maybe my heart wasn't in the right place when I disciplined him. I have to move on. Fix or change the root of the problem (when it's mine!) and get ready for tomorrow.