Friendship Prayer

May the fleas of a thousand camels

infest the crotch of the person

who screws up your day

and may their arms be too short to scratch...

Amen.

I got this today in my email & thought that it is a lovely, heartfelt wish from a good friend who truly wants your day to go a little better, even if the only thing good that happens is smiling & laughing at this... :)

I didn't quit

blogging, I'm just severely distracted. I've met so many good friends on my xanga page and now I'm checking the Baby Center bulletin boards all the time for pregnancy tips & help. I may end up using this as a pregnancy journal of sorts, but really, I'm just too busy to blog about the other random things that don't belong on xanga or the kids' blogs. So... I'm not dead, I didn't quit blogging, I'm just 5 other places at once!

Brides Who Don't Care Anymore

We all know them. If you were one, you probably remember that point where the details don't matter anymore, "I just want to get married!" It happens to everyone, as far as I know. But it hits at different times. Some women are just naturally not into details, some are super organizers. But eventually, each will come to a point where they no longer care & don't want to answer any more questions.

This is my year of weddings. I knew it would be. And after having been to and been in several weddings this year (with 2 more to go) here is a little something I've picked up. Most brides need one thing, one essential thing. A wedding planner. Now you can be cheap & do stuff yourself. But ONLY if you are one of those really organized people, or your mother, fiance' or future mother-in-law, or sister-in-law or any relative for that matter. My husband & I planned our own wedding and we were awesome at it. But that's because we're both really into details. And our mothers were wise enough to delegate a lot of responsibilities to friends of theirs who were also detail oriented, bossy people.
Brides, listen up. You need someone who is NOT IN THE WEDDING (and that nixes your mother) to be your go-to person on the day of the wedding. Someone to find the photographer, locate the groom when he's late or just not dressed, make sure the bouquets & corsages get pinned on BEFORE pictures, have an emergency box of things for the inevitable - the weight you've recently lost & now your dress needs safety pins, the ring bearer got dirt on his face, the flower girl spilled something on her dress & there's only 20 minutes left! Someone to answer your phone, make sure that list of "special poses" you met with the photographer about actually happen, someone to remind you to sit down & take a drink when necessary, someone to be a go-between for your parents & vendors, someone who doesn't care about all the little family drama, someone who can see above or around it & just make sure your special day is the best it could possibly be.
Since my husband & I are pretty detailed & also pretty good under pressure, attending weddings or being in them can get tense & stressful for us. We want to help, but are bound by our obligations & duties in another role: bridesmaid, groomsman, guest, family. Once I happily became the "wedding coordinator" at the last minute. The family realized there was no one to cue the bridal party that everyone was seated. Ta da! I wasn't doing anything else so I gladly offered to do it. Someone to keep a schedule & then locate the right person at the right time. Grandma Hilda isn't here yet? Why not? Didn't she know pictures were at this time? Oh "Planner," please go find Grandma for me!
I'm so NOT kidding. I'm trying to learn to let go & not be such a control freak. But my husband would be great at this. Radios all around, list of phone numbers, schedules, box of emergency supplies, first aid training, he is prepared for any situation. And he will never make you feel stressed, he makes everyone feel at peace. They know he has everything under control. So if anyone reading this needs a planner or coordinator (and don't think about J.Lo in The Wedding Planner, it can be much simpler than that!), leave a comment & hopefully we can help. :) Or if you're a bride & you've already reached the place of not caring, please be good to your bridal party & groom & mother - get a super-organized, super-bossy friend to be your coordinator/planner!

Fashion Commentary

or "What Your Friends Won't Tell You (But Should!)"

I wish I had pictures of these horrible fashion infractions.
1) Lovely young adult woman wearing a black top & white linen pants. Everything seems together until she walks past me and I see it: a black thong. A big BLACK "Y" on the upper part of her buttocks, seen RIGHT THROUGH THE PANTS. Shudder everyone. Big fashion no-no. Thong is a good idea if you have wide hips, see through pants or tight pants where any underwear at all will leave a very definite Visible Panty Line (VPL). However, if you are wearing WHITE or KHAKI or any light color, be sure that your thong is flesh tone. Wearing white underwear under white pants will only draw attention to the area, as do VPL, as do black or any dark colored underwear of any cut & style. Jeans or black pants that are tight often deserve either granny panties or a thong, simply for their VPL tendencies. Color usually doesn't matter. If you feel the need to wear a black thong, choose to wear black pants. Please. Even my husband noticed this one.

I'm usually okay with the occasional bra strap peeking out on someone's shoulder. I'm even okay with coordinating your bra & top, if you mean for it to be seen (since it couldn't be avoided). But read this one...

2)Teenage girl at the park wearing the wonderful invention of a spaghetti strap tank with built in bra. Except she's wearing a white bra underneath. How do I know? Not from the slinky satiny straps daring to escape from under the built in tank straps. Because she was wearing a RACER BACK style bra. Oh yes. And not simple cris-crossed strapps, with a full on lace panel in the middle of her back. Terrible. The purpose of having a shirt with a built-in-bra is to use it. If you need to wear extra support, choose a strapless bra, or a different tank. Mom, grandma, big sister, SOMEONE should have said, "honey I think you're not sending the right message here." Because the message to my friend & I was loud & clear: I'm too immature to think about what I'm wearing under my clothes. I only checked out the front side in my bathroom mirror.

So there's my little fashion rant for today. I'm sure I have more...

Does Church trump all other interests?

The Do-gooders are great people. Assistant pastors, homeschooling family, lots of community outreach, volunteer at various organizations and are pillars in the church. They are well respected everywhere they go. One child is involved in a sport and does very well. One of the championship games will take place on a Sunday in the middle of service. The parents wrestle with this. Do they say the child can't play because it's a Sunday? Does one parent go to church and one parent go to the game? Do neither go to church, or neither go to the game? Common wrestling questions for parents - how to support their child in their particular interests. They decided to not attend the child's game. I'm not writing to pass judgement on their choice - it's their choice to make. But it began a conversation on the order of life.
I believe the order of priority in my relationships is
God
Family
Church
My relationship with God is first and foremost. All the others suffer when this is not attended to. My family must come next. My husband and children are precious relationships that will last into eternity. The church is an extended family of people. Some I have no relationship at all other than saying "hello," others are close friends and there are many in the middle. My church and my community are places God has placed me to both to learn and to teach. But when is it okay to let my interests, or the interests of my children override a church service? I'm not talking about a visit from the Pope, the President, Dr. Dobson or even a special event. Just a church service. I can get the tape of the sermon. I can ask the worship director which songs were sung. I can get the announcements from friends. So (in wayyy general terms) is it acceptable to skip church & go to the beach once a year? Or to go on a girl's weekend? When my kids are older and have games on a Sunday, what will our standard be as a family?
Just questions running through my head. Each family, each parent will have to make their own choices and wrestle for themselves. But in generalities, when does church trump my family? When does church trump a vacation?

Privacy

Wow, if you're visiting this, you've probably been waiting for me to write here about something - anything! I started this page a long time ago because I knew sometimes I have to write & get stuff out of my system, but it isn't really news or family related and it didn't seem to have a place on the family blog. It seem that there is a contagious rash going around. I'm not sure what the name is. Somedays I call it paranoia and other days it gets called precaution. So I'm putting a little test out there to anyone who drops by. Please leave a comment. Tell me if I know you in real life or not or if we have a mutual friend somewhere or if you were just browsing and found this. There's a possibility I will be shutting down this page and the kids' pages. So I'll give it a week and watch the statistics. Some changes might be coming, but maybe not, it will all depend on me & my mood swing! Have a pleasant day!

Meredith Grey, poor girl

Oh my..... I feel the urge to write but the topic has not yet formed itself in my head. I usually ramble about various events on my xanga page since most events involve my family and that's what that page is for. I know it's a little backwards that this page's address is "robbsfam" and that one is "nickieroo" yet here is where I am more personal and there it is all about the family. Hmmm.... One reason I feel I must write is because David is watching "The Village" downstairs (with Jerry) & there's no way I'm watching that. Can't even be in the same room. Ugh... Sorry for the extreme dullness today. There's a lot on my mind, a lot going on but somehow I don't feel the freedom to put all that together & in public. Oh well.
On to my favorite subject - Grey's Anatomy! I love the writer's blog - http://www.greyswriters.com/

Meredith has issues and they just become more and more apparent each passing week. So far I've discovered her father (a writer) cared for her as an infant while her mother was completing her internship at a Seattle hospital. Her parents divorced when she was maybe 5 and she was raised by her mother, a world famous surgeon. Her mother discouraged her from going to med school, saying she would never make it. Her father was out of the picture but remarried and had two more daughters.
What kind of life is that for a 5 year old? Mother was most likely not there when she came home from school every afternoon - so was Meredith a latchkey kid, daycare, after school nanny? No wonder she has trouble with men, she barely had parents! And the half-sister we met last week said she was 22 but had an older sister in med school. Meredith must be about 28 or older to have two sisters more than 5 years younger but one already in grad school. How long is med school? Did Meredith take longer doing her undergrad work before her mom got sick? Or is she really more like 30, 32? And as for the McDreamy-Meredith-George parallel to Chief-Ellis-Thatcher it's almost creepy. I just hope Meredith sees the hope in the situation, that she doesn't have to turn out like her mother (even if she does have the genetic predisposition for early Alzheimer's.) The vow of celibacy is probably her best bet if she can stick to it.

IMG_0890

IMG_0890
Originally uploaded by douea.

Engaged! Yay, finally Ted & Jalene are engaged! Congratulations on moving to the next level. ;)

Stylist Needed!

Please! Are there any stylists who need to do some volunteer work??? If so, please contact Cindy Sheehan. Look at this! Yes, pink and brown go well together, but not hot pink and camel! And now, the walking advertisement for moisturizer and sunblock - Bridgette Bardot. Yikes - I'm heading straight for both bottles right now!

Burdens and Lessons

Does God put people on our heart for their benefit or our own?

I used to think that a burden for someone else meant that I should be doing something for them. Praying, bringing a meal, sending a card, a phone call... These are good things and probably necessary. And I think that the answer to the question above is "both." Someone needs something I have to offer, and I should take away a lesson too.

"Sweetie" was an acquaintance. She had moved here from another state with her husband and child. It seemed that she could use some friends and probably a church. The circumstances of our lives were similar enough that we should have become friends. But it didn't happen. I invited her to my house but she didn't have a car. She didn't want me to come to her house. I offered to pick her up & take the kids somewhere but she wasn't interested. I invited her to the beach but she wanted her child to have a good nap. I invited her to a Ladies Night at church, but she was too tired. I invited her to a mom's get together, she wasn't interested. I brought her a meal when she was sick. I called her whenever I thought of her - figuring she needed someone to talk to like I did. I tried to commisserate over shared difficulties (lack of sleep, budgetting ideas, good deals at our mall). I learned quickly this was a mistake. Anytime I opened up, she would use it against me later. I tried to share God's blessings with her but somehow she made me feel bad or even guilty about it. So I made space. If she wants to talk, she has my number. If she wants something to do, she has my number. If we see each other, it is easy to be friendly; forgiveness has healed the knife wounds in my back. And I still have that burden for her - I still pray for her.

Is this how God feels when we reject Him? Is this what Christ felt on the cross? Of course I'm not comparing this little situation to His incredible sacrifice. But on a daily basis He offers His hand, His patience, His grace, His strength, His wisdom, His omniscience. Too often I don't see it. I have to come to a hurdle and then ask for it, when I could've taken Him up on the offer first thing in the morning.

It may sound ridiculous to some, but this is where I'm at. The lesson I am learning from this is 1) forgive, 2) forget, 3) stop throwing pearls into the mud, 4) when Help is offered, receive it gladly! The last one is so very practical! Offers of help came from every which way when Nina was born. People even showed up at my door asking if I would like a break and could they take Will to the park. Friends brought food. Someone covered my church responsibilities. I still get offers for help, but my pride has returned. Most days I could use a hand. Who wouldn't? :) But I am still learning to receive help.

Who Am I?

I was talking with a good friend a while ago and telling her how one of my neighbors might be my next really close friend. I was a little shocked when I realized it because she is not someone I would normally pick to be a close friend. Acquaintance, yes. Friend, yes. Really good friend? I should preface this by saying that it's nothing wrong with her, it's just that she is really different from the mold I thought all my close friends fit into. She is quieter, she thinks before she speaks, she is artistic, she is independent. Most of my close friends are loud, off-the-cuff, in-your-face, active, passionate. Some of them would call themselves "choleric" from the old temperament test we all took about 10-15 years ago. And most of these friends I would not have picked as close friends, I was forced to learn how to relate and a friendship blossomed later. As I shared this with Good Friend, she started laughing and asked how I see myself. "Easy," I said, "quiet, introverted, takes a while to warm up, honest but tactful...." I stopped because she was laughing so hard.
"Are you serious?" she challenged me. "I don't see you that way!"
Unfortunately our conversation didn't go much longer because children needed us on both ends of the phone.
I began thinking about all the words I had used to describe myself. Most of them were labels not adjectives.
For instance, here are four adjectives to choose from. Pick one and only one. Which one would you pick to describe you?
Friendly
Faithful
Funny
Forceful
I picked "Friendly" because I am not usually funny (although I try), I am faithful, I am almost never forceful but I really like to make people feel at ease if I can.
But then there's these choices:
Unpopular
Uninvolved
Unpredictable
Unaffectionate
I can't pick one. Normally I would say "unpopular." I am almost always involved in something (or too many things), I am fairly predictable and I have made great strides with being affectionate. Hmmmm.
Just my thoughts.... I'm trying to to label myself anymore and just be myself and let my friends be themselves. I'm going to try (really hard) not to over analyze my friends - who they are and why we're friends. So for now, here I am and I know who I am! I am a daughter, wife and mother. I am a person who enjoys baking, cooking and creating things. I am thoughtful, even if my thoughtfulness doesn't quite make it into action, I sincerely think about my friends and try to help. I do too much. I think I like having a martyr complex. I am artsy; I have good taste in colors and decorating. I am a good listener; I am a good friend. I calm down by venting. I love to play with my children. I enjoy small adventures. I hope someday to enjoy gardening, both flowers and vegetables! I hope to pick up scrapbooking again soon. I love my family. I love my close friends. I am selective with my friends and I will be loyal to those people.

Good Outside Pictures

Why "How I Met Your Mother" Rocks:

1) it appeals to a core purchasing demographic- young single adults ages 18-35
2) Cobie Smulders is believable as a yuppie enjoying life
3) Neil Patrick Harris is hilarious as the "playa" we all know but don't admit to
4) Alyson Hannigan - 'nuf said
5) the writing is great, but it really is the actors that pull it off
6) with Friends gone, there is literally NO competition for my attention or the space on the TiVo 7) the world will always need a sitcom that young adults to relate to, this one fills a void Joey couldn't
8) almost perfect scheduling - still in the "family hour" so there's no language to worry about and any innuendoes, while vague, are still funny
9) more perfect scheduling - wedged between CBS's solid sitcoms King of Queens and Two and a Half Men
10) the flow is all about story-telling, not about watching a drama unfold. It may be jumpy for some, but it feels like a conversation with a bunch of friends - all trying to tell their story on top of someone else yet all equally interesting.
11) closure from "Ross & Rachel". It's been almost 2 years since we watched their relationship finally solidify. There has been no one else to root for, to hope for, to wonder about. Now we all wonder "who is Ted going to end up with?" "Who is 'your mother' from the title?" We all get to root for Ted, just like that brother or friend who remains single & no one understands why.

THIS is why "How I Met Your Mother" rocks and should stay on the air as long as possible. But please, please, please don't move it to Thursday night!

Some decisions are personal

Since I have two small children, one boy and one girl, I get a lot LOT of comments from perfect strangers. At every store, every outing, every errand someone feels the need to tell me that I sure have my hands full! Thanks. I didn't notice. I have gotten used to this comment and just smile & keep on my merry way. But the really annoying one that I am addressing right now is the "are you going to have more?" This one comes up slightly less often than the first, but I also get it from friends & family at social gatherings which makes it seem like I get it more often! So here is my public answer: it's none of your business.

Usually it seems that the motive for asking is 1) to validate their own reproductive choices or 2)being nosy. Thus the answer to the person asking because they are taking a very long, public and un-scientific poll is "none of your business." And the answer to the person asking because they are being nosy is "none of your business."

My children are small and they are both at difficult stages of life. My life and routines change to adapt to their needs and currently I am not ready for another baby. However, I don't know how I will feel in a year or two. I am not going to share my very personal decisions with the public any longer. We love our children and believe that they are a blessing. That's my public statement on this topic. End of discussion!

Chicken & Dumplings (low fat?)

I had to add the question mark to the end because I don't know if it's a low fat recipe or not, it just seemed that way. I wanted to make chicken pot pie or chicken & dumplings but couldn't find a recipe that didn't ask for something weird so here is my mixed up version. Oh yeah, as usual, all measurements are approximate. :)

3 Large chicken breasts
4 c. water
1 med. onion sliced into quarters (reserve half)
5 baby carrots

Place all ingredients in a pot and bring to boil. Simmer until chicken looks ready to fall apart (about 1 hour). Strain chicken out of broth into a 2.5-3 quart casserole dish with a tight fitting lid. If necessary, tear apart chicken as you go! :)

Add to casserole dish:
2 c. frozen vegetables (peas, carrots, corn, beans, whatever)
1/2 medium onion (diced)
3 c. broth - or enough to cover ingredients
1 t. salt
1/2 t. pepper
1 t. celery salt (whoops, a little too much)
1 t. rosemary
1 t. thyme

Place in 350 degree oven until heated through & bubbling, about 30 min.

Add to dish:
1 pkg. Refrigerator Biscuits (Pillsbury Grands or whatever)
Spoon out as many biscuits as needed to completely cover chicken mixture and replace lid tightly. Follow package directions for baking time - approximately 10-15 minutes.

The broth certainly seemed to be lower in fat than what my other recipes had called for (butter, stewing an entire chicken, etc) so other than the biscuit dough, there wasn't much fat in there at all. Ended up with good flavor but needed more salt & pepper. Also didn't have enough room for all the biscuits in my dish so they were baked alongside and turned out to be a good "sweet" next to the "savory."
So that was my fun for the day!

Girl Stuff

Warning: girl issues, those who can't relate should probably stop reading NOW. :)

Heads up - chocolate craving. A chocolate craving so intense I nearly ate half a pan of brownies to try & satisfy the aching, the longing, the strange hunger that isn't hunger! As the Weigh Down theory goes: my body must need something, that's why I'm craving it; go ahead and fill that craving until it's gone (eat 'til you don't want it anymore!) Since I seem to have grown a miniature fat- and calorie-counter in my brain I didn't actually do this! :) Why am I craving chocolate? And what was that strange stomach ache that suddenly afflicted me in the grocery store? No, it wasn't exactly near my stomach, it was more like (gasp!) contractions. Oh yeah.... I remember this feeling.... It's been a long time though.... No, AF hasn't arrived but it does appear that my body is re-regulating back to a cycle. Is this why I bought 3 candy bars & ate one before I got home; why I am tired and feeling a touch bloated? I haven't feel like this since July 2004! It's hard to remember all those PMS symptoms! :) (insert good-natured and not cranky giggle here)

Life is kickin' my .....

Just kidding! I have felt like that off & on this past week. I'm sure a lot of it is the struggle to get back into our routine. I had a hard time getting laundry done, sorting the mail, having a dinner plan, just general staying ahead of the game. And to top it off, from out of nowhere, suddenly I began to go through friend withdrawal! Ha! I'm the kind of person that most big social situations are draining and I usually only do one a week or several small things. I can handle tea with a friend 3 times a week or 1 football party. This week I did several small things, recouped from our New Year's party, a football party, plus dinner w/ kids at a friend's house (they have kids too.) And all of a sudden on Saturday night, we looked at each other & said, "should we have someone over?" What has come over me? Or am I avoiding my chores (wink, wink)? At least this week I'm starting in a better place. The laundry is done (except for whites) and the kitchen is mostly squared away. One of these days I will get super inspired & clean the crazy corner of my bedroom, but not today. :)

Sleep Update

Saturday-Sunday night Nina got up hungry every 2 hours for most of the night.
Bedtime was 7, got up crying around 8 (dirty diaper) fell asleep again soon after
Crying at 10, was nursed to sleep
Crying at 12, was nursed to sleep
Crying at 2, was nursed to sleep
Crying at 4, was nursed to sleep
Crying at 6:30, nursed & was up for the day

Sunday-Monday night Nina slept so much better!
Bedtime was 7, got up crying about 8:30 fell asleep again by 9
Crying at 11:30, was nursed to sleep (but also checked diaper & put in thicker jammies)
Crying at 4:30, was nursed to sleep
Crying at 6, went back to sleep on her own
Noise at 7 (probably playing), got up with her at 7:30

Now that is what she should be doing at this age! I really don't understand how she can be so hungry during the night. She is eating well during the day both nursing and babyfood, especially applesauce. She's pretty good at holding Cheerios & most of them make it into her mouth. David & I agree that one of these weekends soon we're going to have to make a big step & not nurse her during one of those feedings. She has really mastered a manipulative cry pattern - she can sound like she is stuck or panicking so someone to come get her but when I come & check, she's fine, just happy to see me! I see this tendency in other areas and hope that if we deal with it early it won't become a lifelong struggle.