I am overly sensitive to my body.
I have a tendency to blow things out of proportion and then have to restrain my thoughts, my feelings & my words back into what is true and real.
I love WebMD.
I love diagnosing little aches & pains and learning I probably have nothing. When should I worry and when is it nothing? What is the line to cross before heading to urgent care?
This has come in handy before: knowing the difference between a chest cold & bronchitis, ear infection & teething, a bad scrape on my achilles tendon or did I rupture it?
But when it came to my heart issues I read too much. I asked for too much advice & listened to too many stories. Heart palpitations are a symptom of virtually everything. Anxiety, thyroid issues and just plain old living. Specifically, the rhythm I was reading about, super tachycardia, stems from cocaine, noctine, caffeine & aspartane or a physical abnormality like a third electrode on the heart.
I was so worked up I actually believed that the only good news I would receive is that I have something physically wrong with my heart and would need surgery. I was prepared to hear that I have heart disease or some sort of strange problem that would keep me on medication and I may die young.
The cardiologist did a quick little exam, checked all my meds & history, a little EKG and then said I was normal. WHAT?? People with my particular rhythm usually find them a minor annoyance and there is nothing wrong with them. Since my "annoying" rhythms were likely due to stress and then made worse by anti-anxiety medication, we should continue on the heart meds for 3 months, then wean off of them. Most likely, the heart will be retrained by then and it will go back to being just an "annoying" problem as long as I handle stressful situations and anxiety in a better manner.
Sheesh. I'm normal. I was so not prepared for that.
It took me several days to hear that as good news. My intuitions have been right so many times, and this time I was wrong. Expensively wrong. But still good to get monitored & have a professional tell me I was wrong. Wrong being an okay thing. Because being wrong about this means I'm perfectly fine. I can enjoy vigorous workouts, have no fear of my heart trying to beat out of my chest or randomly stopping, no fears of early heart attacks! Wrong is a good thing! Being wrong is okay. Being wrong is the right thing to be....
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