update from Doc & other stuff

So I finally had my "6 weeks later" check up today.  Week 3, I think, on heart medication. Boo.  Apparently my lack of energy could be part of that.  So instead of taking just one of those buddies in the morning to take half at night and half in the morning or a whole one at night.  And she upped my dose of Paxil.  I was worried about that before hand but if we can get the two to work hand in hand (Paxil makes me energetic, the heart stuff makes me tired) and even each other out then it will be fine.  I was a little surprised she didn't want to actually test my heart and make me wear a heart monitor.  But oh well.  I'm on these babies for the next 3 months as long as nothing weird happens.

Honestly I AM a little perturbed that she didn't check on my heart thing.  Maybe it's better not to bother with it right now, just manage it until I get off the anti-anxiety that is probably causing it in the first place.  I don't know. 

I'm overdosing on ice cream right now.  Literally forcing myself to finish the bowl.  I probably had a decent 2/3 c. left when I wanted to stop.  Ugh...  And it's Moose Tracks so it's not like I WANT to stop.  But it met the craving and the craving is long gone now.  Hunger is still with me.  Weird. 

I can't believe I've stayed steady at 145 pounds since June.  I thought for sure once I got my appetite back I would gain weight.  But I haven't.  Stayed right around 145-148.

I read someone else's blog today about their experience at Scott Robert's NYC class.  It was beautiful and intimate.  Of course the imagery is fantastic but they're kind of textbook SR - night photography, OCF, 2 flashes, Cold/Hug/Ravage poses, bridal poses.  Then she opened up about having Scott critique her work and where it was lacking and how she just bawled for a long time and the things it woke in her.  THAT's the part I really identified with.  I felt that perhaps I was supposed to get that when I went to LA but missed out because I didn't take risks, was unprepared, too proud to admit my shortcomings, honestly just wasn't ready for that level of work, and David was there so I didn't want to exclude him...  So I'm mildly frustrated, yet uplifted knowing that someone else is going through that.  Someone felt despair after being critiqued and also became hopeful because of dealing with the critique.  I want to badly to do another workshop.  I know I can swing it financially, but I just can't see myself getting away for a week during the school year this year.  Maybe next year?  Do I need to spend another year just learning and practicing??  Maybe I do...