I wish...

I wish my public persona, the face I put on to make it through the day, could be real.  I wish I didn't have to work so hard to be "myself" with friends and then let down to be "myself" at home.  Because the "Nickie" that people know IS real, still vulnerable & honest.  But there's a dark place I don't let everyone see, a dark thing that surfaces when I'm alone.  I have to work so hard to keep it down, to keep it from overtaking my life.  Ugh.